Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
