i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
