I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
