he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
