More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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