theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
