I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
