Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My vagina just clenched in fear
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
