I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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