I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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