LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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