soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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