I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize