so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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