in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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