oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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