Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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