he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
