I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
