I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
