I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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