He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Two words: blizzard sex
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
