i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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