Only a mothe r could love this liver
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize