I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
