do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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