You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
