Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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