as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
