i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
