accomplished twins. life is a go
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
