If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
