as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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