My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
