ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
