Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
