Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
