your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
