if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
