Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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