don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize