Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
