Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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