Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
