Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
