would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There r osticjed everywhere
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
