So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Are we still banned from the library?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
