You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
