You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
