Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
