so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Send help, water and tortillas.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
