my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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