The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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