You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
