OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
