coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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