I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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