sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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