I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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