It's like a parade of train wrecks.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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