You work out of a Hotel?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
