don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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