mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
