Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
How's work?
Spinning.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
