Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
