SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize