I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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