Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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