dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
