My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
